I say the new year Is bringing flowers And then you ask me How do I know? I say because I Am planting flowers Tending my garden Watching it grow Dread and Resistance are no longer friends of mine I've confined them to frames and I'm hanging them up in clear sight Last year a lone leaf From your begonia Came home to my house To sit and to soak After a full year With no nutrition The stem it grew brittle And off the leaves broke With what breath it had left The roots shot out a sprout Which looked wilting upon first sight Though on closer inspection It's just turning toward the light It's a fighter, alright By this time next year I will be flowers Once more you ask me How do I know I tell you the cancer Is growing inside me Soon it will blossom Soon I must go And when it's all over My leaves will be ashes To nurture the soil And colour the air And when the dust settles I'll become flowers I'll be begonias I'll be everywhere Fear and Depression Are no longer friends of mine Because where I'm going's Too difficult for them to find I sorry you're sad, dear But I'll soon be gone Please remember me in My words and my song I'll go knowing you And the flowers are still living on. ...and on. ...and on.

It's all I ever knew except for the stories of the ships sailin' by And their songs of the sand and the sea I decided to trade in everything that I've been In exchange for everything I could be And the world out there waiting for me My family's cries and their tears couldn't anchor me here I had a beer with the boys on the dock They said "It's not for the soft, but if you think you're a rock "Time to go, but there's no time to talk" I broke my back when I went on the clock And it's hard to be the steady one when floating in blue I don't know what to think, what to say, what to do But when the ocean gets rough And the goin' gets tough All the sailors say, "Steady a course!" Some are in it for the gold and the glory, but they won't last long It's the journey we're learning to love Between the storms and the gruel and the scoundrels and fools We make due when push comes to shove It's here and now that we're dreaming of And I lie awake each night in my own personal pain But everybody's got their nightmares, it's no use to complain So when I'm drowning in blues But I got nothing to lose To just tell myself, "Steady a course!" We've forgotten the fears that have carried us here And stayed strong on the waves of desire The Kracken's cuddles of love could drag us down from above Into a mermaid's mire I no longer make promises cause nothing ever stays the same At least it never has in the past I learned to navigate the struggle, now I feel at home In the sea's unpredictable grasp Singing "Nothing worthwhile ever lasts" I could die here any day, it takes a will to survive But looking death right in the face helps know I'm alive So when I'm feeling like shit And I just wanna quite Or when I'm drowning in blues And I got nothing to loose Cause when the ocean gets rough And the going gets tough All the sailors keep looking ahead 'Til we're there or we're dead We'll say, "Steady a course!"

When I am born I will grow in a modest home With a fireplace And palm trees in the back yard I'll have a father who will take me to The boardwalk on the weekends And I'll watch scary movies Up late with my mom And I'll bind my feet and I'll bang my head Against the wall until it bleeds And I won't know how to ask for What I need And my cat will die in third grade And I will cry... and cry and cry And I will cry myself to sleep And I won't know why And I'll wake up and try again When I'm a man I will walk through foreign lands And I will learn things that Ya cannot learn from books I will have a lover, or two, or three Or ten And I will humbly Downplay my good looks And I'll have these grand ambitions Which will be beyond my reach And I will do the things I must do Though they are not the things I preach And I will break a heart, or two, or three Or ten And I will fail and fall and rise and try again When I am dead My friends will honor me With a party with rock stars And cake They'll talk about the good times While they are scattering my ashes Over mountain tops, and desert sands, And lakes And the ones who didn't like me Well, they will like me when I'm dead And all the pain I caused my loved ones They will kindfully forget And the things I didn't say or didn't mean They'll never know Circumstances will force me to let it all go, and try again.

Been getting good at getting up And getting out when the chips are down Nowhere to go So I'm gone And that's where you'll find me Knowing when the winning's good And when to bust keeps me moving on Counting the cards Is only dangerous If they catch you Twenty two Nobody knows what goes on Behind poker-faced stone walls Of my opulent garden Every card's a brick That I stick twixt me And the circus outside of my garden Step right up! Flashing lights and pretty girls and booze Try confusing me but I got my tonic on the rocks And my eyes are on the table I give a cut so everyone Is feeling good about the deuce and king Hit me again There it is, the nine of diamonds Twenty one Nobody knows what goes on Behind poker-faced stone walls Of my opulent garden Every card's a brick That I stick twixt me And the circus outside of my garden Step right up! Hurry! Hurry! Nobody knows what goes on Behind poker-faced stone walls Of my opulent garden Every card's a brick That I stick twixt me And the circus outside Where the clowns take suckers Everyday for a ride While my hawk and my snails And myself are safe inside

Life above the bail bonds Isn't pretty but it's cheap I've been working overtime And falling in debt deep The corner store, she saves me Every evening when I'm off 3 drinks and drunk again I pour a glass and scoff at Alcoholism It's my penance and my prison And it's causing quite a schism In my church of peace of mind I'm racing full throttle To the bottom of a bottle Though I'm feeling far ahead My life is falling behind On the bus my brown bag Hides the honey and the sting My heart has gone asunder And I lost my wedding ring I'm headed to the ferry Going home across the bay Woke up in a bar again I must have lost my way to Alcoholism It's my penance and my prison And it's causing quite a schism In my church of peace of mind I'm racing full throttle To the bottom of a bottle Though I'm feeling far ahead My life is falling behind Another night out on the town At my favorite place to be Dancing with the masses Leaping high for all to see Sipping on my magic drink of Whiskey, wine, and beer This Calistoga cocktail Makes me hard to steer How's I make it home last night Without my centipede? I used to be a rose But now I've grown into a weed Who dampens down your party Spills candles on your floor Fills up your recycling And I beg for just one more toast to Alcoholism It's my penance and my prison And it's causing quite a schism In my church of peace of mind I'm racing full throttle To the bottom of a bottle Though I'm feeling far ahead My life is falling behind Though I'm feeling far ahead My life is falling behind

I hit the ground running The new day is coming It won't even wait for a day No use in not knowing My body is slowing me down And it gets in my way But there's work to be done And a race to be won That my body wants me to fail So I'll trick it with treats 'Til it just can't compete Cause it's just a dumb animal. My body's an animal. It's just a dumb animal to me. My heart won't stop screaming I wake up from dreaming Of things that I cannot resolve It sells me on certain Ideas of what's real Leaving more problems caused then it solves So I scream along too And I settle for you To come settle me down And I'll look for distractions To stop the reactions It's just a dumb animal My heart's a dumb animal It's just a dumb animal to me Music, for a while, is the refuge of a nihilist Living in a rational suite But with nothing beneath it This top-down construction Is incomplete I am oppressed But my own ignorance Of the things I don't know I don't know I think if I think enough I can cut through the fluff And I may break my own code In all my ablutions I find no solutions I try to quit but I can't Please don't think me lazy But someone come save me I'm just a dumb animal I'm just a dumb animal I'm just a dumb animal I'm just a dumb animal I'm just a dumb animal

There was a little boy Planting a sapling Finding a little joy Not understanding What lie ahead of them Until the man knew The tree would someday die And he will die too Windows & mirrors Can show us clearer What it is we're hoping for This is a parable About an animal Who only did Whatever kept her belly full Until a meal who Could have fed her family Asked her to ask herself what her life really means Windows & Mirrors Can show us clearer What it is we're living for Feel regret for everything you could have been While you get to watch the others leap and spin Children will pick up where we left off Heroes in the spotlight of the narrative Can only do and think and be and show and give With the help of those who stand outside the light It's alright Invite everyone Who cares to Work on what's possible Build a community Share eccentric thoughts And have fun Show each other that You're not the crazy ones Windows and Mirrors Can show us clearer What it is we're working for Windows and mirrors Can show us clearer What it is we're living

Snow capped Wild river running Ice cracking at my feet Fall in Nobody coming Nobody gonna save me Never knowing what I meant Say it was an accident You and I, we never met Red fox Wild child leaving treats At my cabin door Small tracks Lead to a mountain Secret of the forest floor Whisper in the wind that blows Never knowing where you go Deep into the snows, and I keep yelling... Faina! Faina! Come back home to us We'll make you nice things to wear And give you shelter from the cold air Faina! I see a Snow cloud in silhouette With your shadow on the ashes snowflakes falling from your lashes Thrashing white swan Fine mountain trapper Heart held 'til it dies No chaperone to stop his fall Into your icy eyes Born into the snow again Never knowing why or when You'll disappear and then I just keep yelling... Faina! Faina! Come back home to us We'll build you shelter from the cold You can live there 'til you're old as your eyes Faina! I've seen a Vision of your demise With you laid out on your wedding bed A crown of flowers at your head now Faina! You'll be a Fine mother to the boy This baby that you got He wants to drink from your thin body Yeah, but... Faina! You needed Back in the snowy night And we knew That we'd lost you Snow goodbye Fell fresh and new Jack and Jack and I We'll all miss you Faina!

He was an out-castaway among outcasts He was a whisperer among the wailers He worked a hard day to keep his demons at bay And night drank to liver failures Mud choked his throat. The sun seared his eyes. The wind made his skin dry and ghostly I asked where do all of these people come from And he said, "Bad home lives, mostly. "But they chose to be here. They rose to be here. "And they can check out whenever they want. "When the rewards no long justify the sacrifices." He chose to be there. To go, and to there he will long to return Where the meaning meets the memory She stayed long enough for her sorrow to settle And grow like a caterpillar One lonely day found her running away It wasn't safe, but it was familiar She trapped herself and she knew the only way out was through She did a similar thing every time. She said, "I hope don't hate all these decisions I make. "They're not great, but at least they are mine. "And besides, I chose to be here. I rose to be here "And I can check out whenever I want "When the rewards no longer justify the sacrifices." She chose to be there. To go, and to there she will long to return Where the meaning meets the memory All my choices chasing satisfaction only Oh, but suffering awaits me either way I chose to go Along this forking road, but it helps to know That all life is suffering But not only suffering We began at a game night With matching baggage and a fear of phone calls We climbed a proverbial tower and now we're Afraid of how far we could fall We said, "Who would like to take a risk, 'cause we might "By tonight, break a heart, maybe two? "It's a challenge to change, but it is more challenging "To admit we don't know what to do "Take the leap, because I'm jumping too. "And anyway, we chose to be here. We rose to be here "And we can check out whenever we want When the reward no longer justify the sacrifices Problems and issues, evoke our go-tos: Fight or flight! ...but tonight Maybe we can both be seers each other's unflattering mirrors Nothing lasts, and this too will pass Though this may not yet for us be the end Everything is transitory From the next chapter of our story we'll say We chose to be there, to go, and to there We will long to return Where the meaning meets the memory

Our love isn't so bad But I wonder if I could do better I dream of life with a mermaid And I think, should I go down and get her? And which way would make it harder to breath? To breath, to breath Everything is okay here These funny feelings are no reason to leave here Still I gaze and the grass And it seems more green beneath the algae It's unclear past the mud and the murk But I think I see something perfect and clean It waves and winks and calls for me For me to leave From a happy home Into the sweet unknown Kissing every scale on her tale Just find she is merely flesh and bone So my love, would you resent me If I was the bait floating for a bite? Great whites and electric eels holding me tight So tight so tight so tight So tight so tight so tight So tight so tight until I die.

I've been cherished and exalted Told this spinning world would halt If I weren't in it Which I find hard to believe I've been scolded, told that I should reach out To my friends, but I don't have the energy And don't know what I need I've been reached to with intentions Good and holy, but with tensions Of the the distances our bridges cannot quell I've been held by those who's story Is familiar and for hours Felt that they could see me as I saw myself And I know the snow is falling And it's cold as I-don't-know-when And I know I can't go very far for very long So here goes nothing Again She started bleeding at thirteen But she felt too fat to be seen So she wore jeans while all the other girls wore skirts And her brother would wear nothing In the bedroom where he pinned her down And rubber himself against her 'til it hurt And when she was eighteen, a man her parents knew knew she'd have no defense against a kiss before he left So her parents looked away and she could smell him suck away Whatever innocence and trust that she had left And she knows she is falling And that no one there will ease the pain And she knows it could only get worse, but who knows? Here goes nothing Again There's a gun down in the basement Bullets that I got from WalMart There's a footbridge on a lake too deep to dive All my stuff's away in storage My mail forwards to a P.O. Box Contingencies in case I change my mind Because I'm having hesitations Of destructive inclinations But I can't tell if it's laziness or choice As my decisions as of late Have been less elegant than great My mind the fog that forms for want of simple joys And I know that I am falling And I may not get up again And I know it could only get worse, but who knows? Here goes nothing Again And I know my loneliness is calling I feel old as I-don't-know-when And I know I can't go very long or very far Without falling Again So here goes nothing Again Here goes nothing.

Nobody knows of whence she came or what she's seen Her beginning life was sort of an experiment Now she treads lightly under radars of the passers-by In thrift store shoes on broken pavement She wants to tell her secrets to the world, and all she asks Is someone listen, someone care. She confesses to the moon and stars. She trusts them and they follow her And they're the same ones everywhere. No one can hear except the ones who want to hear her She's a quiet girl with lots to say Watch her dance like no one's watching while she's reaching for the stars The joyous leaping of Daisy Mae She meets the sunrise every morning as the day begins Walks one half mile to the bluff "If I don't get to see another one," she tells herself, "Perhaps this will have been enough" No one can see except the one who want to see it While others sleep and dream, she's awake Watch her dance like no one's watching while she's rising with the sun The joyous leaping of Daisy Mae